What do you think of my poem? What could I do to make it better?

VERY strong poem with strong words and it was a pleasure to read. I know what your trying to say with this poem, its very detailed and excellent vocabulary, but what i would suggest is the ending, play around with it a little bit, if there was a happy ending what would it be? I think if you played around with the poem, keeping the original one and changed the start or the end and see which one would work out for you best. I know people say its weak, i understand why, its because your just writing a style and not really YOUR style. I think if you add uniqueness to this it will make this better. We have ALL heard that saying "the end of the tunnel" but mabye you can just like i said, play with your words and see if there are better things.